Underneath Your Clothes
by Syaoran no Miko
Summary: Shohoku's boys discuss the merits of underwear. Sex not included. What.


= Underneath Your Clothes =  
  
  
"I see your point, Mitsui-san, but - "  
  
"I still say," Mitsui huffed, "that jockstraps are best."  
  
" - give me briefs any day."  
  
"Just a personal preference, Miyagi. In any case I certainly think white briefs that go see-through and clingy when wet are sexy - ouch, Kogure - but yeah, jock straps are the way to go. Maximum support with minimum coverage."  
  
Beside Mitsui, Kogure buried his face in his hands. Everyone else cheerfully ignored him.   
  
"I suppose that's one way to put it," Miyagi said thoughtfully. "Kogure-san, you look awfully hot."  
  
"We were," said their long-suffering vice-captain, "supposed to be *studying*. In case you forgot."  
  
"Well, we are. We're studying which type of underwear pumps more juice into the guys."  
  
"..." said everyone else. Miyagi looked injured. "What?"   
  
Mitsui mumbled something that sounded like *COUGH*Ayako'dhadafitifshe'dheardthat*COUGH*, but engaged himself in tying up a loose shoelace when Miyagi eyed him suspiciously.  
  
"Guys," Kogure pleaded. "Get back to studying. Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Mitsui..."  
  
"Not until Rukawa tells us what underwear he likes and why."  
  
"..." said Rukawa.  
  
"*Mitsui*..."  
  
"I still think your white briefs are lovely, don't - *ouch*, Kogure."  
  
"Kogure-san likes white?" Miyagi said with interest, amiably paying the bespectacled boy's squawk of protest no heed. "I thought he was more into soft shades."  
  
"Well, those too, but the white ones are fucking sex - OUCH, Kogure."  
  
"Jockstraps," Rukawa announced with laconic ease, ostensibly either to save Mitsui from a broken shin or Kogure from irreversibly fogged up glasses. Somehow the latter seemed more likely.  
  
Mitsui looked pleased. "The mark of a true ace. Yup."  
  
Rukawa, oddly enough, appeared slightly uncomfortable. He opened his mouth, closed it, took a deep breath and spoke. "Sendoh...wears boxers."  
  
"..." said everyone else.  
  
"I won't ask how you know that," Miyagi mumbled. Rukawa shot him a Glare.  
  
"Sanrio character boxers," he added as an afterthought.   
  
Silence. Mitsui and Miyagi exchanged glances before erupting into howls of laughter.  
  
Rukawa shot both of them Glares. "The Badtz-Maru ones are nice."  
  
"...Nice?" Kogure said weakly.  
  
"Maybe it's the spiky hair," Miyagi helpfully offered. "Well, Sendoh-san smiles and doesn't swear too much but you know what I mean."  
  
Mitsui wiped his eyes. "What next, Kerokeroppi socks?"  
  
Rukawa stared at him in something like awe. "How'd you know?"  
  
"......"   
  
"_Fuck_, man."  
  
"I'll say."  
  
"They're nice," Rukawa stolidly insisted.  
  
"...This is starting to get very freaky."  
  
----  
  
"WATCHOO!"  
  
Maki paused in his exploration of Sendoh's chest, looking up at him in concern. "You all right?"  
  
"Fine. I think someone's talking about me."  
  
"If they saw you now they'd certainly have a lot to talk about," Maki dryly remarked.  
  
"My Hello Kitty boxers and Twinkle socks are *cute*," Sendoh retorted. He paused. "Well. Not as cute as you when you angst about my tastes in underwear, but still cute."  
  
"..." said Maki.  
  
"Take it easy, Maki-san. Smiling prevents wrinkles!"  
  
"..." said Maki.  
  
----  
  
The door to Akagi's living room slammed open.  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHA! Genius Sakuragi returns from the loo! ...say, what's freaky, Ryouchin?"  
  
"Oh, hey, Sakuragi. We're just discussing underwear. What's your type?"  
  
"Underwear?" Sakuragi stood with arms akimbo and pondered this seriously. "NONE!"  
  
"..." said Rukawa, looking away.  
  
"A genius needs no support but his own! MWAHAHAHAHA!"   
  
Everyone else cringed.  
  
"So Sakuragi goes commando. Kinda expected that, actually."  
  
"Micchi!" Mitsui shrank back behind Kogure as Sakuragi rounded on him with large shining eyes. "You did?"  
  
"He knew you wouldn't have the brains to figure out how to wear a jockstrap, do'ahou."  
  
"Rukawa, you bastard!" He blinked. "What's a jockstrap?"  
  
"..." said everyone else.  
  
"Well, no wonder Sakuragi's so active, his cock always gets plenty of oxygen," Miyagi observed. "Maybe you should try that too, Mitsui-san. Might help your stamina."  
  
"MIYAGI," Mitsui roared. Kogure prudently hid a smile.   
  
"Do'ahou," Rukawa muttered.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Sakuragi roared. "If a jockstrap's the thing I saw Gori give the boss-monkey from Ryonan last week, then of COURSE I fucking know what a jockstrap is!" He was suddenly aware that every other face in the room was looking slightly green. "What?"  
  
"Akagi gave...Uozumi...a jockstrap?" Kogure repeated faintly.   
  
"Well, it was some leather thing, that's all I know."   
  
Everyone turned even greener. Mitsui eyed Kogure sympathetically and slid a comforting arm round his shoulders.  
  
"Governor," Miyagi said at last. "Well, whaddya know. I guess I AM the only straight guy on the team."  
  
----  
  
"WATCHOO!"  
  
Across the counter, Uozumi wiped another dish down and eyed Akagi in some concern. "You okay?"  
  
"It's nothing."  
  
"By the way, thanks for helping me buy that leather belt. The stores here don't sell such stuff."  
  
"No problem," Akagi said dismissively. "You're just lucky Sakuragi didn't do something to it - I caught him staring at it before I passed it to you."  
  
"Cheeky brat," Uozumi grunted. "He'll never learn."  
  
"Mm." Akagi swallowed a mouthful of noodles and eyed the bowl suspicously. "You should have stuck to basketball."  
  
"..." said Uozumi.   
  
----  
  
"Mitsui," Kogure said impressively.  
  
"Yes, Kogure?"  
  
"I'm going home."  
  
Mitsui looked upset. "But we were just starting to have fun!"  
  
"That was all I could take. Akagi actually gave *Uozumi* a jockstrap..."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"...when he gave *me* a pair of boxers."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I mean, *boxers*. Even if he never was anything more than a friend, but that's not the point - Mitsui? Are you all right?"  
  
Mitsui mustered up a ghastly smile. "_Why_ did he give you boxers, Kogure?"  
  
Kogure blinked. "What? Oh. No, it was because I'd forgotten to bring an extra change of underwear for a camp and he lent me a pair he'd grown out of."  
  
"..." said the rest. Mitsui started breathing normally again.  
  
Miyagi stood up and stretched. "I'd better be going, too. Need to call Aya-chan tonight."  
  
The front door slammed behind them.  
  
Rukawa looked at Sakuragi, who looked back at him.   
  
"What are YOU staring at?"  
  
"You crashing here tonight? Sempai will kill you."  
  
"None of your business," Sakuragi grunted.  
  
Silence.  
  
Sakuragi opened one eye and looked at Rukawa suspiciously. "Did you give Sendoh those monkey boxers I bought him?"  
  
Rukawa twitched. "Unfortunately, yes."  
  
"They were WAY better than your Doraemon ones."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"*I* know Sendoh likes Snoopy, NYAHAHA!"  
  
"...He likes *Garfield*, do'ahou."  
  
"SNOOPY!"  
  
"Garfield."  
  
"SNOOPY!"  
  
"Garfield."  
  
"Fuck you, fox!"  
  
"Look who's bottom every time."  
  
"..." Sakuragi said loudly. Rukawa snorted.  
  
----  
  
"WAH-AH-CHOO!"  
  
"You're ill, Sendoh."  
  
"No, really, Maki-san, I'm all right."  
  
"Well," Maki said seriously. "I hope you realise you're the most important person in my life and I would die to make you well again."  
  
Sendoh stared.  
  
"Sorry, too many gaijin romance novels. Aren't they fun?"  
  
"..." said Sendoh.  
  
"Anyway, since this is an utterly meaningless conversation we're having, what's your biggest regret in life so far? That you didn't beat Kainan? That you didn't beat Shohoku?"  
  
Sendoh thought about it. "No," he finally replied.  
  
"So what is it?"  
  
"The fact that nobody's ever given me a pair of Mickey Mouse boxers." Sendoh sighed. "How sad, Maki-san, that nobody's ever realised I like Disney too. I mean, don't you think Donald Duck's cute when he's pissed - rather like Sakuragi with a big yellow mouth, actually. But that isn't the point."  
  
"..." said Maki, rubbing his temples.   
  
----  
  
Back in Akagi's house, Rukawa and Sakuragi sneezed.  
  
~ finis ~  
  
  
Mail me! Mail is good! 


End file.
